Friday, July 04, 2008

Asshole in White Ford Van

So I venture out of my sick cave to pick up a few things from the store and come across this asshole driving the white van. His female companion had been light fingering here way through the Rite Aid at the corner on Vineland and Ventura Blvd. when she was pursued out of the store by stire security. This prick that was of course parked in the Handicapped spot starts backing out with the store security guy caught in the door.

I'm running a little slow today or I'd have pulled the prick out of the driver side. But thinking about it now, it's probably better that I didn't as it could have escalated the incident in speed and danger to others.
I told the prick I took a picture of his license plate but he decided to continue his get away.
So if you see the asshole out and about be sure and tip the Man to his where abouts.

The guy driving looked like he was about 25 blonde medium length hair, 150lbs.
The thief, female 30 to 40 Skinny (Most likely his speed freak mom) scraggly medium brown hair, and big framed glasses.


trevor said...

Is that aggressive do-gooder side of you a part of being from Texas, living in New York or both?

- trev.

PS: I drank several beers in your honor tonight, Vince, including one from Brazil I'd never heard of.

I also blew up some shit, smoked some shit, sang some shit, frenched some chick from the Netherlands and told a fat chick to stop getting in my face before I make her do circus tricks for turkey drumsticks. Good times, good times.

Vincent Waller said...

well thanks Trevor, and to answer your question. Yes I am apparently I am stuck said gene. Not sure if its a Texas thing or what, but normally it won't kick in over some haggered speed freak being light fingered in the drug store. Usually there needs to be physical harm or someones private property involved.
I'd say it was from too many comic books as a kid, but I didn't read anything but Mad Magazine and horror.

But thanks again for tipping a few back for the antibioticly challenged.

trevor said...

The only heroic thing I ever did backfired. I was at this party and there was this gorgeous but small little girl who was being tormented by a beligerent drunk.

All I saw was he was trying to get her to answer a question she didn't want to answer and was slapping her on both cheeks going, "Huh? Huh? What's the answer, HUH?" I noticed he was very tipsy and felt he would go down with one punch.

I walked up and said, "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but is this your bottle?" and I broke it over his head. It was an unfinished beer, so the ale slid into his eyes and he couldn't see, so I clocked him hard in the jaw and he went down.

I looked at the girl and asked if she was okay. I expected her to exclaim that I was her hero and blow me so hard that my asshole caved in.... but this was reality, not fantasy. She was genuinely pissed at me for beating up her boyfriend.

She tried to break a bottle over my head, but as I mentioned, she was short and only came up to my chest so restraining her was easy. Eventually she spat at me and then tended to her boyfriend's head as opposed to mine.

Ah well. I guess some girls like the rough stuff.

- trevor.

PS: What the hell is 'light fingering'? This is a term new to me.

Vincent Waller said...

Haha! Good story. Yeah I've had a couple of damsels in distress turn like that.
But in those cases, even though the gal turned out to be crazy f-ing bitch, the guy still needed his ass kicked.

Light fingering = shoplifting

Not to be confused with backseat activities at the drive-in movies.

trevor said...

Chivalry's a funny thing, innit? We see a guy yelling at a girl we think, "Not on my watch", never thinking that maybe he was yelling at her cuz she was crazy or had slept with his best friend slash roommate.

Although, I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for chivalry. My dad saw some guy throw a drink in my mother's face, and I guess the desire to stand up for defenseless people, or women, runs in the Thompson blood.

But my dad's the last guy you would expect to start some shit: well-mannered and British. Think Peter Cook in appearance. But that didn't stop Dad from going over there and taking care of that douchebag. That's how my folks met.

Anyway, the headache from last night is still evident, so I'd better tend to it. Staring at a computer screen probably doesn't help much.

- trevor.

PS: If you have time today, take a gander at my blog. I put some drawings up and the only feedback I'm getting is from some borderline schitzophrenic who works for the lottery with multiple accounts. Not that I don't appreciate the comments, but still....

trevor said...

PPS: Yeah, I was going to ask if light fingering involved backseat activity! Shows where my mind is.

Vincent Waller said...

Well good on your dad.
I'm good with all the yelling they want to do. but the whole slapping hitting doesn't fly.

chrisallison said...

oh shit, my van! some of the best photography anybody's taken of my vehicle. mind if i use these to sell my car in auto trader?

Vincent Waller said...

Haha.Chris You try juggling a jamba juice, a Kryptonite Lock, and an Iphone while some poor bastard is getting slowly run over.. no seriously they are crap, but I was shooting for the license plate.

Kenny P. said...

Excellent work Citizen Waller!